Bella's Therapy
by LadyBugGirl
Summary: What would have happened if Charlie had forced Bella into therapy after Edward left in New Moon? Not good at summaries, but it's very funny, please R&R!
1. I don't have problems

**AN: I always wondered what would happen if Charlie had forced Bella into therapy.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, Edward wouldn't have left, and he wouldn't have been with Bella, but with me. Since he's with Bella, and he did leave, do you think I own Twilight?**

**Dr. Morelli- **Hello Bella, my name is Dr. Morelli. I want to help you with your problems.

**Bella- **I don't have problems.

**Dr. Morelli- **Now Bella, admitting we have problems is the first step to solving them.

**Bella- **Oh really? What's your problem?

**Dr. Morelli- **Bella. I need you to cooperate. Your father tells me your boyfriend Edward recently left town?

**Bella- **If you could please not say his name, I will consider my problems fully solved.

**Dr. Morelli- **Now Bella, You can't live your life in a bubble. You need to confront your problems.

**Bella- **Well, my vampire boyfriend told me he loved me but he wouldn't make me a vampire too because he loved me too much. Then he told me he didn't love me at all and left me in the woods.

**Dr. Morelli- **Bella! I need you to tell me the truth!

**Bella- **I'm sorry Dr. Morelli, the real problem is that my boyfriend left me in the woods after he told me he loved me, but he realized that he doesn't love me, because he's gay. He went to LA to be with a guy he met online. He's considering a sex-change operation.

**Dr. Morelli- **Good, good, now we're getting somewhere.


	2. Oh, right, the homosexual jerk

**Okay, Bella's somewhat OOC. If you like this, review and read my friend Charlie's profile! She hasn't had a chance to get on the internet and post any stories, but I swear her profile is freaking hilarious. I helped her write it! She's CharlieBrownLover21**

**Disclaimer:**

**ME: **EDWARD!

**Edward: **Yes, Aly?

**ME: **I own you, and you didn't leave Bella in New Moon!

**Edward: **But…Aly, I did leave…

**ME: **So…I…I don't own Twilight?

**Edward: **I'm so sorry Aly.

**ME: (Bursting into tears) **Noooooo!

**Dr. Morelli- **Bella, I'm so glad you decided to come back.

**Bella- **Yea, well. It wasn't much of a choice, considering you told Charlie I was disturbed and you wanted to see me again for the sake of my mental health.

**Dr. Morelli- **…

**Bella- **Uh-huh, that's what I thought

**Dr. Morelli-** So, Bella, what brings you here today?

**Bella- **Come on, Dr. M, you went to college, you got a medical degree, you arent a moron!

**Dr. Morelli- **Bella! I need your cooperation.

**Bella- **With what?

**Dr. Morelli- **Bella.

**Bella- **Oh right, the homosexual jerk.

**Dr. Morelli- **Edward.

**Bella- **LALALALALALALALALALALA-

**Dr. Morelli- **BELLA!

**Bella- **Yes, Doctor?

**Dr. Morelli- **I need you to cooperate!

**Bella- **With what?

**Dr. Morelli- **And you don't think there's any _reason _he left you?

**Bella- **What are you suggesting?

**Dr. Morelli- **Maybe you have a few personal issues we need to work through-

**Bella- **I don't think so, but if you need me to come help you work out yours, I don't think I should be paying you.

**Dr. Morelli- **Are you still in love with him.

**Bella- **Are you?

**Dr. Morelli- **What?

**Bella- **Exactly.


	3. His partner's name is James

**AN: Please review! I won't write another chapter until I get at least 15 reviews total. And dudes, I LOVE writing this, so please, as soon as I have 15 reviews, I'll give you another chapter! I only have 8!**

**Disclaimer- **

**Me: Oh, um, hello. Er, I come in peace, take me to your leader!**

**Carlisle: You mean Stephanie Meyer?**

**Me: Stephanie Meyer!? You mean, as in…not me**

**Carlisle: I'm afraid so.**

**Me: (cries)**

**Esme: I'm so sorry Aly.**

**Me: Can I at least own you?**

**Esme: (nodding sympathetically) No.**

Charlie: Bella, I cannot believe this. Dr. Morelli is supposed to be the best!

Bella: Well, I guess not.

Charlie: Bella, he asked you to never come within 50 feet of the building.

Bella: And?

Charlie: Bella, I really think you need to talk to someone. I was on the phone with Dr. Morelli for an hour last night-

Bella: Yeah, and I'm sure that worked.

Charlie: I was on the phone for an hour last night, and finally was told by a secretary that you are under no circumstances allowed to come back.

Bella: Thank god.

Charlie: So you'll be seeing a new doctor from now on.

Bella: WHAT!?

Charlie: Dr. Stevens. She seemed very nice on the phone.

Bella: … Do I have a choice?

Charlie: No.

(And then some time passed where some stuff happened at some places)

Dr. Stevens: Hello Bella, I'm Dr. Lolita Stevens.

Bella: My name is Jessica Stanley, I don't know who this Bella person is. (looks around). You'd better hurry if you want to find her. (starts to walk out)

Dr. Stevens: (closes the door) Bella, I heard what happened with your other doctor, and I have your file here, so you don't need to go over the first part again.

Bella: Thank god.

Dr. Stevens: Unless there's something you'd like to add?

Bella: No I'm good.

Dr. Stevens: Well then-

Bella: It was nice talking to you Doc, now if you'll excuse me, I have to see a guy about a motorcycle.

Dr. Stevens: Bella! I am surprised at you! Motorcycles are very dangerous!

Bella: But I have to ride a motorcycle so that I can hear his voice!

Dr. Stevens: Oh, Edward. Bella, you must realize that people cannot help their feelings. Even though Edward left you, you should learn to accept that he cannot love you in the same way he love his, er, partner.

Bella: His partner's name is James.

Dr. Stevens: Ah, James. Do you think you might be a little jealous of James?

Bella: Are you?

Dr. Stevens: Bella, I need your help. Therapy is a two-person procedure.

Bella: Then why don't you get James in here, and the two of you can talk this over.

Dr. Stevens: Ah, so James is the problem.

Bella: Ok, Doc, you're right, I hate James, and I want to go to LA and murder him, then find Edward and drag him back to Forks by his ears.

Dr. Stevens: Bella, I get the feeling you don't want to be here.

Bella: What!? I haven't the slightest idea of what you're talking about!

Dr. Stevens: Then stop trying to pick the lock on the door.


	4. He's wearing gold contacts and glitter!

**Hello my lovely wonderful fans! I loved all the reviews I got, thank you so much! I'm trying to keep my promise, but I'm having computer trouble, so I have to use another computer. But for now, here's one more chapter!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Twilight, this would be in the book!**

Bella: Hey doc.

Dr. Stevens: Um, Bella?

Bella: Yes?

Dr. Stevens: I 'd like you to meet my friends Dr. Seymour.

Dr. Seymour: Hello Bella.

Bella: Why?

Dr. Stevens: I think she would be much better suited to help you work through-

Bella: So I'm too crazy for you.

Dr. Steven: No! No-nonono-well, yes.

Dr. Seymour: Bella, about what time do you think the relationship started going downhill?

Bella: I don't know! I thought everything was just fine between us, then Dr. Stevens just brought you in here. I have to say, Doc, it hurts.

Dr. Seymour: I meant with Ed-

Dr. Stevens: Bella, I didn't mean to hurt you, I just think that Dr. Stevens could help you better than I could!

Dr. Seymour: I don't think this conversation-

Bella: Oh sure! That's what he said!

Dr. Seymour & Stevens: Who?

Bella: First he's telling me I should be with Mike Newton, then the next thing I know, he's wearing gold contacts and glitter!

Dr. Seymour: Glitter?

Bella: He thought it made him seem scary. I guess that should have been my first clue. No straight guy wears glitter because he thinks it makes him look tougher.

Dr. Stevens: I see. What was your-

Dr. Seymour: I'll handle this! What was your second clue.

Bella: Well, now that I think of it, him and his brothers took a lot of "camping trips" on weekends. Together. Alone.

Drs. Seymour & Stevens: His brothers1?

Bella: Adopted brothers.

Dr. Stevens: Oh, of course. And what else?

Bella: Well, he always dressed really nice. And he's really in touch with people's feelings. It's almost like he reads minds.


	5. You were in love with him too?

**My computer is working!…If only temporarily… But my computer is working! You guys are the greatest! I love the reviews! This chapter is dedicated to Blodi94, mirell, hayden14, 1twilighter4ever, Day-Dreamer Dango, rayana1997, Vampire Note, Imaganeer, DancingwithEdward, EmmettGirl472, and mEILiFIUoUsLy. I love you all! Your reviews keep me going!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: Oh Nessie!**

**Renesmee: Uh, do I know you?**

**Me: Yes, I go to school with you.**

**Renesmee: I don't go to school.**

**Me: Point noted. Anyway, I own you, and if I want you to go to school, you will.**

**Renesmee: You don't own me, Stephanie Meyer does.**

**Me: Does Stephanie Meyer come talk to you in person?**

**Renesmee: Sometimes.**

**Me: Seriously!? Crap.**

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Dr. Seymour: So Bella, I think our list of signs is complete. So far we have-

Bella: Signs of what?

Dr. Seymour: Edward-

Bella: LALALALALALA

Dr. Seymour: Signs that _he _was gay.

Bella: Oh. Continue.

Dr. Seymour: He wore gold contacts.

Bella: Yeah. But they were sexy.

Dr. Seymour: … anyway… He wore glitter.

Bella: But it made him so pretty.

Dr. Seymour: Bella!

Bella: Yes Doctor?

Dr. Seymour: We're working on getting over him.

Bella: You were in love with him too!?

Dr. Seymour: Bella, can we please continue?

Bella: Go ahead, I'm not stopping you.

Dr. Seymour: He tried to get you to go out with other guys.

Bella: Only because he was worried about my safety.

Sr. Seymour: And why was that?

Bella: Why was what?

Dr. Seymour: Why was he worried about your safety.

Bella: Why was who worried about my safety?

Dr. Seymour: Edward.

Bella: LALALALALALALA!


	6. She's still in denial

Bella: Alice?

Alice: Bella! I haven't seen you in so long!

Bella: (Hugs Alice) I have to go to an appointment, maybe you can come with me!

Alice: I only came because I saw you jumping off a cliff!

Bella: Oh Alice, it's fine! Jacob saved me!

Alice: … I didn't see that.

Bella: Well, I'm alive!

Alice: I suppose so…

Bella: Come one!

(15 minutes later)

Dr. Dover: Hello Bella, Dr. Seymour wont be joining us today, she's taking a long vacation.

Bella: Again?

Dr. Dover: She may not be coming back this time.

Bella: Well, doc, this is Alice.

Alice: Hello…

Dr. Dover: Alice? As in, his sister, Alice?

Bella: Yea.

Dr. Dover: I'm sure this must all be very hard on you.

Alice: Uh, just a sec, doc. (Pulls Bella aside)

Alice: Bella, why is that doctor about to ask me when I first knew my brother was gay?

Bella: Weeeeelllll…

Dr. Dover: Excuse me, girls? We only have half an hour…

Alice: Of course.

Dr. Dover: So Alice, when did you first know your brother was gay?

Alice: When he started borrowing my glitter.

Dr. Dover: Bella, I thought you said he borrowed you glitter.

Bella: No I didn't.

Dr. Dover: But it says right here-

Alice: The glitter was mine.

Dr. Dover: Uh, okaaay… Well, what did you first think of James?

Alice: JAMES!?

Bella: She's, um, still…in denial! Yeah, that's it, she's still in denial.

Alice: … Oh! Yes, it's been so hard.

Dr. Dover: I see. And how are your parents coping?

Alice: They've kicked him out of the house. (Looking pointedly at Bella) He's in South America.

Bella: Yes, exactly as I said.

Dr. Dover: No, no, you said he was in LA.

Bella: No I said he was in South America.

Alice: He was in LA, and now he's in South America. With James.

Dr. Dover: Were your parents able to talk him out of the…operation?

Alice: (Holding back laughter) I'm afraid not. Edward is soon to be…Emily.

Dr. Dover: Oh, this must be difficult for you to understand, but we mustn't judge him.

Bella: (Also holding back laughter) Of course.


	7. LALALALALALALALA!

**IMPORTANT MESSAGE, READ BEFORE READING THIS CHAPTER!**** I forgot to put this chapter before the last one, and I'm too lazy to fix it, so this chapter comes BEFORE the last chapter!!!!!**

**Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: ****ß****J**** :P ****J****à**** :remialcsiD**

Dr. Clay: Bella, I'm the second therapist you've seen-

Bella: Third.

Dr. Clay: Even worse! Bella, you need to be able to tell us about your problems

Bella: Did you know that if you put a space in therapist, it's The Rapist?

Dr. Clay: Bella!

Bella: Mm-hmm?

Dr. Clay: Have you found anything that's helped you get over Edw-

Bella: LALALALALALALALALALA!

Dr. Clay: _Him!_

Bella: Why yes, I have.

Dr. Clay: What is it?

Bella: My friend Jacob.

Dr. Clay: Tell me about Jacob

Bella: He fixes cars, but right now we're working on motorcycles for us to ride.

Dr. Clay: Motorcycles? How does your father feel about that?

Bella: He thinks nothing about it, as he doesn't know about it.

Dr. Clay: Mm-hmm. And why do you want to ride a motorcycle.

Bella: To hear his voice.

Dr. Clay: Jacob's?

Bella: No, the homosexual jerk.

Dr. Clay: You're going to have to say his name sometime.

Bella: No.

Dr. Clay: EDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARDEDWARD!!

Bella: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!


End file.
